heap of misery - II

I wrote another verse and a bridge:

Verse:

when did you last | see things with sober eyes
when was your life less of a mess
when did you last | smile or laugh aloud
and feel true happiness

- I'm not THAT happy with the "when - when - when" beginnings because the first two verses do NOT have a similar pattern. Tthere is "you - you" in the second verse, but that is okay, I guess, it doesn't seem to suggest a consistent pattern.

Bridge:

I won't give up too fast
I hope to find some spark
of what we had before
when you proclaim your love
in your drunken slur
I hope there still is more

- meant to raise a little hope in this gloomy song.

Next I will double-check the meter of the verses. They differ quite a bit so I will test if I can 'think the same tune into them' (replacing a note with two short ones or inserting a rest here and there). I did a syllable count to identify the lines that MIGHT be fiddly. But note, that the same syllable counts do not grant the same meter, nor do different syllable counts mean that the meter is off.

you don't look | that great today  3+4
with your hangover grumpy mood 8
better get | close to the toilet bowl 3+6
in case you're goin' to puke 6

you hair | is in a mess today 2+6
you truly look like shit 6
I just point out | what's obvious 4+4
no need to throw a fit 6

when did you last | see things with sober eyes 4+6
when was your life less of a mess 8
when did you last | smile or laugh aloud 4+5
and feel true happiness 6

- the pipe symbols indicate short breaks in the melody (see my first post on this text).