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10. April 2014 4 10 /04 /April /2014 08:12

Two suggs - but I'm not quite happy yet:

 

LIFT:

strong winds start blowing from the sea [adds next to nothing]
black clouds are looming _  [a syllable is missing at the end; might work, though]

 

OR:

heavy waves that hit the shore [a syllable - upbeat - is missing at the beginning; should work, though]

black clouds above the sea

 

CHORUS:

a storm will rage
the oceans roar

...

 

"shore" would add another rhyme to "roar" and "pour". Might work nicely, after all. I'll check and double-check (that is: listen the music several times while envisioning my words sung to it).

 

Maybe I should make the first line of the lift "heavy waves WILL hit the shore" - that would make it a grammatically complete sentence and also be consistent with the use of the future tense in the chorus.

 

Stasy - my songwriting partner from Hot Mama - wrote that he would like to discuss the subject of the song. Normally, such announcements are bad news ;-)

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